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  • About:Bali has a long tradition of Bali Usada, also known as Balinese traditional healing. The Balinese live equally in two worlds: the seen or conscious world called sekala, and the unseen or psychic world, called niskala. In traditional Balinese healing, both of these elements need to be addressed in order to truly heal.

  • What to expect:The experience will be very public. The healer may make magic, create fire, use mudras, draw patterns on your body, spit wads of chewed herbs on your skin, apply scented oils, poke you with sharp sticks and/or give you a deep tissue massage or manipulation.

  • Journal:Click here

Day 17, 17/11/11: Discovering Spirit - Bali

Up for Yoga practice this morning though still feeling a little out of sorts, plus I seem to have lost my desire to talk.

Over breakfast the different psychological and therapeutic approaches were discussed. How crucial 'relationship' is for growth. How it feels to be wholly seen, and to have your deepest darkest or highest lightest experience witnessed, heard and acknowledged by another; without judgement or distain.

As we left the breakfast table I was grateful to have some free time to myself. I just needed some time to let things catch up, to let the sediment that had been stirred yesterday settle. As I did so the haze lifted slightly, I could see in my mind's eye what had unfolded. I could see me stood amongst it; I could see the look on my own face. Suddenly, like the strike of a pin I had the moment, the exact moment when everything shifted. The moment when that little voice said, 'I don't want to be here anymore'.

As I lay on my bed I could see as clear as day my own body and I could feel the point at which it was physically affected; when the fear crept in. The point at which I heard the little defeated voice say, 'this isn't supposed to happen'.

What isn't supposed to happen... see it Emma, name it.

The point at which everything changed and became scary was the point at which the guardians, those who should have been protecting and looking after me turned.

As I lay on the bed everything went still, silence filled my head. In the quiet I drifted into a deep sleep.

Trust, safety of course it's so damn obvious; this script has been playing out throughout this entire journey. Take for instance the times when I am completely consumed by trance, the only times that has happened is when I have innately known my back is covered and I am supported. When people and things start kicking off sporadically I maintain my level of awareness, a state of mind that keeps me safe and during such times I am completely closed off to spirit.

Perhaps this is where my work is, to learn to trust that everything will be ok and that I don't have to surrender myself completely, but instead I can be open and still maintain some autonomy.

After a relatively still but personally useful morning we headed out to lunch in Ubud. As I sat talking to Jo I was amazed at how quickly the conversation seemed to crash through the layers. I was also more than aware of how raw I was still feeling from yesterday, though I'm curious as to why I didn't mention it.

After lunch we headed out to Yoda's house for a Melukat. Man, am I ready for this! This one was beautiful, I laughed as the water and flowers were poured over me. Above and below I felt connected, my head supported, my feet grounded. As Yoda held my head my third eye erupted into a kaleidoscope of colours. I felt cleansed; the Melukat was serving to wash me of me.

We left Yoda and made our way to Ibu's Ashram, it was great to see all the community there. With the outdoor kitchen nearly complete, decorations and offerings were being made by the bucket load.

As the music started Ken was immediately swept over by a couple of strong passages. Wow its amazing to see spirit move and lay him flat. As I quietly sat watching I too was called up to bring in the Durga energy.

Jeez what a transformation. When people ask, "what is it that changed or moved for you" I probably wouldn't be able to vocalise. To speak in a way that could be understood or that would make any sort of coherent sense but tonight as I stood up and Durga entered me the cosmos blew wide open.

This was pretty much the first time that with all of Ibu's community surrounding me; like a lamb to the slaughter I was still able to let spirit enter me.

As the local people around me roared, barked, growled and wailed I felt completely unaffected. There was some tussling nearby, something was pulling at me but my fear had been replaced by strength. Whatever it was that had entered me grew stronger and stronger, taller and taller.

My right hand had turned itself into serpents' head, its movement certain yet fluid. From side to side it danced scoping out my surroundings for in this moment the eyes of the serpent were my eyes. As it rose to the sky it pulled me with it. I was being stretched, my body growing bigger and bigger. Like Alice in Wonderland it carried me to the ceiling. My new eyes no longer had my ego attached.

It was like I had become a tower, a kingdom that formed and rose in the blink of an eye. As my serpent head danced and coursed through space I felt like I was flying; not far above but close to the earth. Below me I could see countries as I darted and weaved in absolute spaciousness; the possibilities boundless.

As holy water was splashed on my third eye and I sat back down Paula said, "That was amazing Ibu was all over you, touching, grabbing, pulling, it almost looked like she was drawing her strength from you".

Today once more I bow with palms together because whatever happened up there felt absolutely harmonious, and although I was completely oblivious to how close Ibu was dancing to me the combined energies felt extremely potent. Through the energetic unity I literally grew in every way imaginable. Physically, spiritually; metaphorically. I was as tall as a tower, as big as a kingdom, I flew...

Today without knowing it was going to happen I opened myself to spirit, I completely surrendered and I wasn't even aware I was doing it. So when people ask, "how has this journey changed you?" Well f*ck me, how has it not changed me...

As 'om mani padme hum' played out once more my body circled uncontrollably. The perpetual momentum was carrying me, moving me in ever increasing circles. It was as if my body had become so fluid that the form and formless now danced in and out, both apart and together.

When I returned to my room I wept, not tears of sadness, pain or sorrow but tears of gratitude. I am so grateful for this opportunity, for these moments which stretch far beyond, profound. I am so deeply grateful to Ken, particularly amongst other things for the way he shares. I appreciate how at times that is a risk but for the life of this soul, I feel that is a risk that has so paid off and for that I love him more. I feel like someone's just shown me how boundless this life really is.