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  • About:Bali has a long tradition of Bali Usada, also known as Balinese traditional healing. The Balinese live equally in two worlds: the seen or conscious world called sekala, and the unseen or psychic world, called niskala. In traditional Balinese healing, both of these elements need to be addressed in order to truly heal.

  • What to expect:The experience will be very public. The healer may make magic, create fire, use mudras, draw patterns on your body & spit wads of chewed herbs on your skin.

  • Journal:Click here

Day 10, 05/05/12: Rediscovering Spirit - Bali

Sat chatting to a couple of the girls while Paula and Bron rescued a bird that had been caught in a piece of sky bound cotton. I thought the bird was a definite goner, but with their sheer grit and persistence it was down and placed in a safe place to recoup.

After lunch we headed over to the ashram of Ibu's father in law. He is a Pedanda; one of the high priests of Bali. There he performed a ceremony; a couple of times I felt myself falling backwards but thankfully was able to catch myself.

As I sat in prayer it was like I was visited on the inside by an elderly lady; the woman's face kept rising up on the inside of my eyelids; her face indistinguishable yet strangely familiar. Was this the face I had seen in my dream at Emerald's house on my arrival in Bali?

Before long we were back stood in Ibu's ashram. Again my leg started to ache and again I found myself zoning out and focusing my attention towards Nusa Penida. As I started swaying I was immediately held around the waist and sat down; it didn't feel right somehow.

A musky smelling scarf was placed around my neck. I felt as if I had been prematurely seated as at this point I didn't feel fully engaged or connected with what was coming in. After talking with Paula I clarified that if this happens again I will instruct, using my hands to be left alone until the point when I can no longer do so.

Last night I had a series of intense almost lucid dreams. In one of them I had a message I was supposed to deliver to Ibu; in my dream I had the benefit of a shared language (it was not English) so I could speak all that needed to be spoken. For some reason my sense was that it was meant for Ibu, I had a sense it involved unlocking something for the greater collective. Unfortunately as my conscious mind has no access to this altered language I could not translate or appreciate the content of the message I felt I was to deliver.

After being awoken from this recent shallow episode I asked Ken to ask Ibu why I had such a strong sense the other day to brush her hair. Ibu said she believes there is part of me, Ratuniang not Emma that wants to grow my hair long again.

Tonight was the night of the Shiva full moon and we headed to witness a Kecak fire dance. Again the fire and heat of Kundalini was rising through my chakras; again I found it a challenge to be with the intensity; especially when surrounded by so many people who are oblivious to why I keep going so bloody red. It's a shame the circumstances aren't different because with all this energy rising it could actually make for a bloody good night; I think I'm on heat out here.

Tonight our destination was the retreat centre. En route we stopped to stock up on the essentials; wine, tonic water and snacks. I sat in the bus talking to Paula discussing everything that continues to unfold. She spoke of a sense of feeling pressurised; like she was not achieving the goal.

I don't think I alleviated this sense in any way as my experience was not one of achieving any sort of goal - I can't say I share that, though I do comprehend it. When Ratuniang channels (for want of a better word) I don't actually feel overly connected. I don't actually feel like it's got anything to do with me at all.

Over the last few days I have wondered whether trance enters my body as a way of connecting me to the qualities that I cannot or will not allow myself to access in my waking consciousness. For example Ratuniang brings with her the essence of Grandmotherly love, nurturance which are qualities I wouldn't even be prepared to explore as Emma. I suppose fear, shyness, rejection; discomfort keeps me separate from the embodiment of such things. However, when trance enters I can fully embody these characteristics without any input or intervention from my ego; my critical self.

To me the gift of Ratuniang is that her energy is gently introducing me to the idea that maybe, just maybe I do possess these qualities after all. That by taking my mind, my ego out of the equation my body can freely experience such things. Perhaps Ratuniang is showing me the potential of what I hide within?

On some level, if I consider it in those terms it really is the most incredible of initiations; I use the word incredible because it sure is hell isn't comfortable. Last time I was in Bali Durga entered me, she offered strength, power; she showed me another aspect of the feminine I hadn't been able to perceive. Perhaps when I was last here I needed to integrate those qualities of the divine feminine, now on my return maybe, just maybe there are some very different qualities for me to explore.